


The Last One To Know Part 2

by horrorgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confused Dean, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:25:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6960640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorgirl/pseuds/horrorgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why is Dean always the last one to know? Especially when it's something that is going to change his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last One To Know Part 2

"Cas!" Dean yelled into the dark room. "It didn't have to be like this, it doesn't have to be like this! You should have told me. After everything we've been through, I deserve that much."

He was met with silence and a suffocating emptiness. He stood up and threw his boxers on. He knew his way around this cabin well enough that he made it into the living room before he flipped on the lights. He stood in the middle of the room and just looked around, hollow inside. It had been a shock to find out that his best friend was in love with him, and always had been. There was bitter regret that came with the realization that he'd been sleeping with Cas, ignorant of his feelings. He resented the hell out of both his brother and Cas for never telling him, for letting him feel like an asshole when he was finally confronted, cornered and accused of using Cas. He could never use Cas, certainly not for sex. That was never his intention. It was a single drunken night that played out over the course of months and ended painfully. 

"Why in the fuck did you give that to me, Cas? Why did you give yourself to me like that and then just disappear?" His loud voice echoed off of the walls of the cabin.

Maybe this was karma. All Cas had asked of him was one last beautiful night as a memory. Dean had tried to give him what he needed, not realizing that he needed it to.

The sun hadn't even come up yet when he banged on Bobby's old coffee maker to get it to work. He couldn't go to sleep, not now. He wrapped his arms around himself while he waited to hear the water gurgle, proving that the damn thing was actually going to work. He hadn't felt cold since he got to the cabin, not until now. "Damnit Cas" he mumbled while he searched through his bag for something to put on. Cas had months to tell him the truth, hell, Cas had years to tell him the truth. But in a way, he understood. He wasn't the easiest person to open up to, he was hot headed. And in all reality he didn't think that he knew how to love, not really. He'd tried to convince himself in the past that he had been in love, but it never felt right. Even at its quietest moments, his world was complicated and intense. He could never be completely honest about who he was. He finally poured a mug of coffee and sat on the couch. His blanket wasn't there, he had left it in the bedroom. He couldn't bring himself to go in there and get it, not yet. It would still smell like Cas. It would still smell like them. 

"Fuck you, Cas" he yelled, "Fuck you!" 

It was so much easier for Dean to be angry, the other shit was just too messy. Hell, most of the time Dean didn't feel comfortable being happy. Happy was a place where you let your guard down. Happy was dangerous. 

He didn't know if he wanted to stay or go home. Staying was a reminder that he had lost his best friend, probably the only true friend that he'd ever had. Going home meant that he had to face Sam. Sam would try asking questions, but if Dean didn't answer them he'd get that concerned puppy dog face for days. Right now he wanted to punch that concerned puppy dog face. Sam was right when he said that it wasn't up to him to tell Dean about Cas's feelings, but he picked a hell of a time to finally keep his mouth shut and not sit Dean down for one of his annoyingly infamous 'talks'. But, when it came right down to it, it was his mistake. That first drunken night with Cas never should have happened, unfortunately he couldn't change things now. 

He had asked Cas last night if they could fix this, but the only response he got was a kiss on the forehead and declaration of forever love. Dean didn't even know what that meant. Was it beyond fixing? Or did Cas just think that it was part of the sweet words that he had asked Dean to whisper while they had sex one final time. Sex that finally meant something. Probably the only time that Cas had been more than just an easy convenient fuck for Dean. He just needed to stay pissed off. He watched movies and drank coffee until the sun came up. He knew that he should probably check in with Sam, but if called too early then Sam would know something was up. Dean never woke up early. He did eventually grab the blanket out of the bedroom and hung it over a low tree branch outside. Hopefully it would end up smelling like nature or dust or some other outdoorsy shit. 

He finally drove into town and called his brother. He just hoped that Cas hadn't beat him to it. There were things that Sam didn't need to know.

"Dean, how are, uh, things going?"

"Great Sammy. I've been meditating. I read Oprah's book, you should really grab a copy, fascinating shit. I'm thinking about taking up Tai Chi when I get home. Maybe start an organic garden."

"No, Dean really. How are things going?"

Ugh, Dean could picture the concerned puppy dog face.

"Porn and beer, Sammy. Porn and beer."

"No I mean..."

"What? Am I still pissed off at you and Cas for not telling me the truth and making me feel like an asshole?"

"Well, I guess that's one way to put it."

"No, it's pretty much the only way to put it. What's done is done Sammy. Cas is gone, that sucks, but there's not a thing I can do about it. Well, as long as nothing has hit the radar I'm going to head back up the mountain for a few days" he hung up before Sam could respond. Cas hadn't been there, Sam would have either told him or he would have heard it in his voice. This whole thing was fucked up and he just wanted to be left alone to deal with it his way.

\----------------------

Dean made himself a sandwich the size of a small mountain and was sitting down to watch Star Wars, one of the good ones, not that new crap, when he felt it...

"Cas? Pretty much every cell in my body just wants you to get the fuck out of here. You made your point. I really don't have anything to say, and I really don't want to hear what you have to say right now."

"But Dean..."

"I'm serious Cas, we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I get it, okay Cas. I get it."

"Dean, I just want to talk about last night."

"Oh, the goodbye fuck. You bailed right after so I never got to say thanks."

"Is that how you see it, Dean."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Dean, it was something that needed to happen."

Finally Dean could feel the anger build. "Needed to happen? Why? To fuck with my head? Well good job Cas. It fucking worked, okay. I'm not going to give you some romance novel teary eyed goodbye. I regret every single time I touched you. I never should have let any of it...ANY of it happen. Now you and Sam go have a good laugh at my expense because I am fucking done."

"Does Sam know that I've been here?"

"Sam doesn't know a fucking thing. Not that he'd tell me if he did. Now what part of I'm done don't you understand?" Dean finally turned to face Cas.

"Did you mean what you said last night, Dean?"

"Why are you asking me that now?"

"Did you mean what you said last night, Dean? When you asked me if we could fix this?" Cas asked, taking a step forward.

"Does it really fucking matter?"

"It does to me."

"Well, you're a little late to the party. We could have had this conversation 12 hours ago." 

"Please Dean, I just want to know if you meant it or if it was just part of the act?"

Dean took a deep breath and looked Cas in the eyes, "I'm gonna drop the sarcastic and angry shit for a minute. Somebody around here needs to start saying what they feel. I meant it Cas. You deserve more than what I have been giving you, I just didn't realize it until last night. I can't imagine spending months just watching you silently get out of my bed and get dressed like you did. I feel like shit and I hate the idea of losing you, okay? Sam comes first in my life, but you? You're right up there, Cas. You should have told me how you felt about me. I wouldn't have turned my back on you. You should know that."

Cas sat on the floor across from the couch and leaned back against the wall. Obviously he was in the mood for a conversation. Dean shut his computer and pushed his plate away from him. He wasn't hungry anymore.

"But I'm still not taking the blame for all of those months you followed me into my bed, Cas. That was your decision. You know that I would have stopped at any time, no questions asked. You let me believe that it was harmless fun, and then painted me out to be the asshole. You went to my brother to talk about it. You should have come to me."

"You did get upset when I told you that I couldn't do it anymore."

"No Cas, that's where you're wrong. I was confused. I'd barely zipped up my pants after we fucked on my bed when you threw that shit on me. Pissed off didn't make an appearance until you went off on me and called me, I believe it was arrogant and self preserving."

"I'm sorry Dean, I shouldn't have said those things."

"I have a question for you, Cas. Why are you here? You told me that after last night we would just be a memory. So why did you come back here?"

"I don't know, Dean. I can't stay away. I thought if you touched me one last time that I could somehow let go, but obviously I can't. I know that I need to find a way. I just don't know what to do without you." Cas said miserably.

"Then maybe last night was a mistake."

Cas looked up at Dean, tears building in the corners of his eyes. "Don't say that, Dean" he whispered, "please don't say that."

"Then what in the fuck am I supposed to say, Cas? We're both miserable right now. What exactly did we accomplish?"

"That, Dean...that right there" Cas said, standing up. "Your temper, your short fuse, that's why I was afraid to tell you anything. You're right, I did willingly follow you. I didn't say no when I could have. That is on me. All I wanted was to feel you. I knew I couldn't have you, so it was the next best thing. I know it's pathetic, I could see it every time I looked in the mirror. I saw it in Sam's eyes when I talked to him..."

"And that's another thing, Cas. Going behind my back and talking to Sam about it? This is between me and you."

"He figured it out, Dean. But he always defended you. He always told me that I either needed to let things keep going as they were, or talk to you. He didn't want to get involved."

"Well somebody should have, because for the first time, I didn't do anything wrong but I'm getting the shit end of the deal. I never should have let any of this happen. Big fucking mistake on my part. I need to get out of here. I need to go for a drive." Dean grabbed his jacket and checked the pockets for his keys.

"I'm guessing that you want me to leave?" Cas whispered.

"I don't know what I want." Dean let the door slam behind him.

\----------------------

He turned the music up and just drove. He didn't even care where he was going. He didn't want to think about Cas, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to lose him. Sure, things hadn't always been perfect between them, but they always figured it out. They always ended up on the same side. "Damnit Cas," he muttered as he turned the car around. 

\--------------------

Cas heard the car pull up in front of the house. Dean hadn't been gone very long, this couldn't be good. He heard the engine cut and then Dean's boots on the porch steps. He walked in and swung the door shut behind him.

"I have never in my life wanted to punch someone and kiss them at the same time, and I don't know what to do with that. I stand by what I said about this whole thing being a mistake. But, last night? Last night was different because I knew. I knew going into it what you wanted from me and I wanted to give you that. And last night after you walked out, I knew how you felt all of those times I handed you a towel and smacked your ass or just rolled over and went to sleep. I'm sorry Cas. I really am." Dean pulled him into an embrace. He felt Cas's body start to shake as he buried his face in Dean's neck. "It's not like we can start over. I'm not going back downstairs just to wait for your grimy angel hand to reach down and bring me back, but we need to figure something out. I've lost too many people that I care about. I don't even know how many funerals I've been to. I couldn't fix any of that. They are all just gone. You're not gone, things just got fucked up." Dean rested his hand on the back of Cas's head until he felt the tears stop. He loosened his grip and Cas took a step back with his head down. Dean reached out and with gentle hands cupped his face, tilting it up until their eyes met. He brushed the last of Cas's tears away with his thumbs. "I'm not going anywhere, Cas." He leaned in and gave Cas a soft kiss.

"Dean?" Cas whispered, "what was that for?"

"It felt right." He leaned in for another kiss, his hands still on either side of Cas's face. "But this doesn't mean that I'm not pissed off at you anymore." This time he pulled Cas in for a long lingering kiss, "because I am." 

"So why are you..."

Dean stopped Cas's question with his lips, slipping his tongue in to explore Cas's mouth. Cas leaned against him and kissed him back. Dean was hoping that he'd have more control, that he'd be able to keep it in his pants. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No" Cas whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and pulling him close.

Dean fell backwards on the couch, pulling Cas with him. Cas shrugged out of his trenchcoat and suit jacket, dropping them on the floor. "I'm sure that eventually we'll find a way to fix this" Dean moaned as Cas kissed and sucked on his neck. He could feel Cas rubbing him through his jeans, he had no control anymore. "I know I'll forgive you someday." He heard Cas drop his tie on the already growing pile of clothes as he reached out and started undoing shirt buttons. He felt Cas slide his hands up his shirt and moved to help him pull it over his head. He pushed Cas's unbuttoned shirt off of his shoulders until they were chest to chest. "This was really just a big misunderstanding." Cas was fumbling with the button on his pants, so he reached down to help. Together they freed his hard cock and both of their hands started stroking it. "One day we'll look back and laugh at the whole thing" he moaned when Cas pushed his hand away and slid his body down. Cas pulled Dean's pants off and gripped the base of his cock. He knew how much Dean loved coming in his mouth. He licked the head gently, causing Dean to shiver. "I know that you didn't mean the things you said" Dean panted when he felt Cas lick around the head and take it into his mouth. He licked and sucked until he dipped his head down and took Dean's entire cock into his mouth and down his throat. Dean reached down and twisted his fingers through Cas's dark messy hair. Cas was stroking Dean with one hand and fondling his balls with the other. He sped up the rhythm, his head bobbing faster, his mouth sucking harder. "I really think that everything is going to be okay." Dean moaned as he started to throb in Cas's mouth. He felt Cas's tongue swirl around the shaft and he started to come in hot bursts down the back of Cas's throat. His fingers gripped Cas's hair tighter as his whole body tensed. Cas knew Dean's body. He knew how to squeeze and lick until he was completely satisfied. "Right?" Dean whispered as Cas slid his body up against Dean's. "I think we'll find a way to fix it." Cas said softly before he pressed his lips against Dean's.

\-----------------------

"Cas, maybe we shouldn't have. I mean I hope you don't think that I..."

"Dean, it's fine. I wanted to. I know where I stand, I'm not going to pretend like touching you is the same as having you anymore. You're my first, and only, and none of it has been a mistake."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

After Dean ran outside in his boxers and pulled his blanket down, shaking it to get rid of the dirt and dust, he fell asleep with his head in Cas's lap. Cas just ran his fingers through his hair and watched him sleep. He couldn't believe how beautiful he was when he looked peaceful. Dean hadn't said anything about his feelings other than he cared about Cas, but that was good enough. 

\--------------------

The first thing Dean saw when he woke up was the most amazing pair of blue eyes he'd ever seen. It was Cas, he'd fallen asleep in Cas's lap. He stood up quickly and walked into the kitchen mumbling about the damn coffee maker. He didn't know how to feel about last night. He promised himself that he wasn't going to let it happen. He and Cas needed to fix this as friends, not lovers. He couldn't let this keep happening, not until they got things figured out. He didn't know what to say to Cas right now.

Cas watched Dean's retreating back and could sense his confusion. He knew that Dean didn't regret anything, he just didn't know what to do with it yet, and Cas understood. He got up and started getting dressed. Dean turned around as if to say something and was startled to see Cas already dressed.

"So, Cas, do you want to hang out? Watch some movies?"

"I have a few things that I need to go take care of, but thank you." He smiled at Dean, letting him know that everything was okay before he disappeared.

Dean felt a little guilty for being so relieved, but he just needed time by himself. He poured his coffee and went outside to sit on the porch. This place always reminded him of happier times. Him and Sam playing in the woods, not hunting, playing. When they were here with their uncle Bobby, he insisted that they just be kids. Dean always felt safe here. He never let himself feel how much he missed Bobby, how much he missed them all until right then. He spent the day on the porch thinking about everyone they'd lost, hoping that they all knew how much they'd meant to him. He didn't even bother to wipe away the tears. 

\-----------------------

The next morning he packed up to go home. He'd cleared his head. He made it into the bunker and saw Sam sitting at the table with his laptop, as usual.

"Dean? You didn't call. I didn't know you'd be home today."

"Yeah well, head's cleared and I ran out of movies." He smiled at his baby brother. Sam meant everything to him. Dean didn't show affection, and he didn't always say it, but Sam knew. 

Sam smiled at Dean, "so, did you bring me a copy of Oprah's book?"

"Oh shit, I must have left it up there. I'll grab it next time." He patted Sam on the shoulder and started down the hall towards his room, "but I'm serious about that organic garden Sammy..." 

Sam just laughed as he heard Dean's door shut. Dean seemed to be in good spirits, Cas hadn't been by the bunker, maybe this would all eventually pass over and things could go back to the way they used to be.

\--------------------

It had been a week or so since Dean had been back and Cas hadn't shown up. Sam wondered if Cas was done. If he was just going to stay away. Sam loved him like a brother and did miss him, but Cas had set himself up for the fall. Dean was in good spirits, just the same old asshole that he usually was. He was on a run to the store when Sam heard the fluttering behind him. 

"Hello Sam."

"Cas, hey..." Sam froze up and couldn't think of anything to say that didn't involve Dean.

"I wanted to apologize, Sam. I never should have put you in the position that I did. I should have talked to Dean, not you. I am sorry for any trouble I may have caused."

Dean hadn't brought any of that up since he got back. He hadn't even talked about Cas since he got back. Things had gone back to normal between the brothers. "No need to apologize, Cas. We're good." They heard Dean's car pull up outside and the engine cut. Sam looked at the bunker door and back to Cas. Cas looked nervous. Hell, Sam felt nervous. Dean shut the bunker door behind him, his view blocked by the paper grocery bags he juggled in his arms. He was almost to the bottom of the stairs before he noticed Cas standing there. He walked slowly down the last few steps and stopped.

"Cas..."

"Hello Dean."

Dean walked past him into the kitchen. Cas was crushed. He didn't expect much, but he had hoped for more than just a quick acknowledgement. Sam could see it on Cas's face. Nothing had changed. Sam sat back in his chair and sighed. He didn't want this to get ugly again.

"Sorry, I had stuff that needed to go in the freezer." Dean said as he came out of the kitchen and towards Cas. He stopped right in front of him.

"Dean, I'll just..."

Dean reached out and put a hand on either side of Cas's face and looked him in the eyes. "You'll what, Cas?" Dean leaned forwards and kissed Cas on the forehead. "That's not goodbye."

"You mean..."

"And I always will..."


End file.
